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Do you want to be happy? Read this.

Now, before I continue, this post itself won’t make you happy. What it can do for you is to open you up, to be honest with yourself, and possibly give you a greater sense of clarity. And just maybe you can choose to be happy.

Act I — Want VS Have:

Let’s start with an important distinction, the difference between wanting and having has been made very ambiguous. Almost to the point where they are used interchangeably. So, to begin with, let’s quickly make sure we are on the same page with these two ideas.

To WANT:

1. This means the absence of having.
2. “I want to be happy” roughly translates to “I am not happy now, but would like to be”.
3. We have fallen into a habit of using the verbiage “want” to describe the things we desire to have.
4. That means we literally are using the wrong word to represent an idea that actually takes us further from our goal.

To HAVE:

1. The absence of wanting.
2. “I have happiness now” translates to “I am happy now, in the present moment”.
3. We use the word to “have” to describe things or ideas in our possession currently.
4. This is the correct word to use when trying to represent wanting happiness or whatever in your life.

Putting it together:

So let’s put these ideas together so we can come together and discuss this topic further. The point that I wanted to get across is that when we use “want” it means that we don’t “have” and logically that makes sense but in the context of happiness and fulfillment as a whole, it acts as a barrier.

Consider the following thought, you wish to have more happiness in your life so you think to yourself “I want to be happier.” This does a few things but most notably, it tells your inner self that “I am not happy now.” which repeated over time turns into an expectation, and so your life experiences follow.

An idea to help really seal this concept, think of wanting like sitting and having like standing. You can’t sit and stand at the same time. You’ll have to make a choice.

ACT II — Fulfillment VS Happiness

So I am glad that we have come to an overall better understanding of wanting vs having. Now let's continue our discussion further.

I want to draw your attention to the idea of fulfillment vs happiness. Have you considered which one you truly want? Now, you can strive to have both but for most, that is a task that truly requires time and focus to achieve. In the meantime, let’s see if we can draw the pros of both and see if we can learn anything new about them.

Fulfillment:

PROs

• Each day you are excited for what comes next, your work and relationships are strong.
• You go to sleep each day satisfied and willing to rest because the next day brings more mystery.
• You are in a state of flow because you are acting in unison with your strengths and capitalizing on doing the things you actually like to do.
• Most importantly, you are given a sense of contentment with your life which can be synonymous with peace.

Happiness:

• You are in a state of bliss and elated with your current experience.
• Can be short-lived, as emotions are balanced by their opposite.
• You feel strong emotions and a strong bond with them
• Your brain chemicals act in accordance with this load, but can only sustain the experience for so long, as there are a rest and recovery period.

Putting it together:

I hope from the non-exhaustive list that I have compiled above, you can make a connection or introspect on the idea that I wanted to convey. It is super important to distinguish what we ACTUALLY want. To clarify, we posit that a state of pure happiness is simply not sustainable, both on the brain's chemical front and emotional front. You cannot just have happiness without the presence of its opposite, which turns your emotional experience more into a sine function. The state goes up and down and up and down and you are riding these high’s and low’s. So to address this, I state that fulfillment is actually a better goal. We live in a state of peace, that emotional sine graph gets turned into a more sustainable wave, where you aren’t experiencing strong emotional states. Here you are your most productive, focused, and determined. While enjoying the ride.

ACT III — How about peace of mind?

Okay, so this brings me to my final point, what about peace of mind? If you have followed along till this point, hopefully, you can now see the potential of seeking peace rather than happiness. Now, please don’t be mistaken. Just because we aren’t making happiness the main motivation, doesn’t mean that we won’t experience it. Rather, the opposite can be true, we will experience a level of happiness that is sustainable and controllable, making your experience that much more enjoyable long term.

How is peace achieved? Now, if I had the universal answer to this question, the world would look a lot different. This is where I turn this point over to you. What does peace look like for you? What does it feel like? Have you felt it before? What would your life be like if you had more of it?

Apart from emotional control, it is incredibly important to learn the skill of letting go. I say it’s a skill but it is a natural process that each of us has complete mastery over but some of us have simply forgotten how easy it truly can be. I have written a separate post on this topic so if you’re interested please read it.

ACT IV — Questions to ask

Now I have compiled a few questions that can be of service to you in your inquiry into this topic:
1. Can you let go of wanting happiness so you can have happiness?

2. Can you let go of wanting peace so you can have peace?

3. Could you? (BE honest)

4. Would you? (BE honest)

5. When?

6. REPEAT OFTEN (1–6)

ACT V — Conclusion

This post isn’t meant to be a guide nor a tutorial on the subject, I am afraid my friends, you will have to put in the work. This doesn’t have to be considered “work” but I use that word because most people will understand what I mean. This “work” can be as fun as “play” or any other enjoyable activity. It is what you make of it, and what makes the most sense to you. Keeping consistency is what brings expectation which then shapes the rest of your experience, the more you can think and answer on these things, the easier they will come.

Please don’t take my word for it, try it out for yourself. Also, don’t discredit yourself too early, you, my friend deserve happiness just as much as everyone else.

You’ve got the choice.